As an expressive therapist, I often hear the phrase, “coping skills” to refer to an action one can take to feel better when we’re feeling some kind of emotional distress. Here are some different categories of actions that can be helpful in different situations using the creative arts.
Coping by Distraction
Sometimes an uncomfortable feeling will pass if we give ourselves some thing else to focus on. Good distractions fully engage us so that we don’t have extra space to continue to ruminate on unpleasant thoughts or feed negative emotions. Typical distractions can include organizing a closet, playing a game, or watching funny YouTube videos. Creative activities that are distracting can include coloring, craft projects like crocheting or painting model cars, home decorating, and creative fashion.
Expressive Coping
While distraction can provide short term relief from a distressing feeling, chronic discomfort eventually returns. In that case, rather than avoiding the feeling, it helps to go in the opposite direction, towards the feeling. Expressive coping skills allow us to fully feel whatever it is that’s troubling us, so that we can eventually release it. Articulating a feeling in verbal and nonverbal ways can provide cathartic relief. Examples include venting to a friend, crying with a sad movie or song, safely breaking, tearing, or throwing objects, making art that expresses or even exaggerates the feeling, or journaling all the thoughts and feelings that one has. Sometimes scribbling, fingerpainting, or using clay are good ways to embrace a feeling we may regard as messy or unworthy of our attention. Examples of this kind of coping from my group activities list are the Feeling Code Collage (#13), Empty the Jug (#60), and The Guest House (#72).
Cognitive Coping
If the feelings still persists after expressing it, we may need to change the pattern of thought. Beliefs about shame, failure, inadequacy, or persistent negative expectations or disappointments can perpetuate negative feelings. To shift our focus toward a more hopeful perspective, we can reinforce positive thoughts by keeping a gratitude journal, making art about positive aspects of oneself or one’s life, writing a story or song that reframes negative experiences as instances of resilience, growth, or courage, or by creating visual affirmations of uplifting quotations. Good and Evil (#3), Inner Child (#8), and Cooling My Hotspots (#14) are good exercises for this type of coping.
Coping with Insight
Sometimes when our efforts to change are ineffective, it’s because we don’t fully understand the nature of the problem. Maybe our understanding is too concrete or superficial, and there are deeper levels we need to understand in order to change. Once we get to the root of the issue, the unconscious pattern is revealed for what it is, and is easily recognized when it surfaces again. Analyzing and questioning how this problem started, either by looking for patterns over time or looking into early memories that set the pattern in motion, are helpful. This can be done by asking for feedback from those we trust, drawing life maps, looking through photo albums, and reflecting on themes from dreams or favorite films or stories. Expressive therapy activities that help us to dig deeper in our self-awareness include Inside-Outside Bags/ Boxes (#12), How Does This Serve Me (#38), and My Wise Self (#42).
Planning and Change
Sometimes the only way to cope with a difficult situation is by actually changing it. These kinds of situations continue to persist even when we've distracted ourselves from it, expressed our feelings about it, challenged our negative thoughts about it, and analyzed the pattern of how it started. If all of those strategies failed, chances are, the situation actually needs to be changed. It may be time to end a relationship, start a relationship, change jobs, move, start a weight loss program, start a recovery program, take classes, or take some other concrete step toward a life change. If there have been barriers to taking the necessary steps, it's time to identify what they are and find a way to overcome them. Purpose in Life (#9), My Perfect Life, (#28), and Serenity Prayer (#35) are some structures that help with planning change.
Spirituality
I use the term, "spirituality" very broadly to encompass any religious or spiritual beliefs as well as any activity or belief that provides a sense of comfort, hope, or relaxation. At the end of the day, we may not be able to change ourselves or a situation in our lives that is causing discomfort. This coping strategy is what allows us to find the grace to live with that discomfort, and find peace with it. It is the ability to agree to disagree, to accept the apology we never got, to trust that there is a greater order that governs the universe, and to practice radical acceptance of all that is. Mindfulness practices, meditation, and prayer all can strengthen this capacity. Suggested expressive therapy include Spirit (#40), Eye of the Hurricane (#44, and Inner Sanctuary (#49).
Looking through this list, are there particular kinds of coping that you tend to gravitate toward? Are there some that you are less experienced with? We may need to become adept at many different kinds of coping skills to survive all the emotions that are part of this unpredictable journey of life. May we meet each moment with courage and compassion for ourselves!
Coping by Distraction
Sometimes an uncomfortable feeling will pass if we give ourselves some thing else to focus on. Good distractions fully engage us so that we don’t have extra space to continue to ruminate on unpleasant thoughts or feed negative emotions. Typical distractions can include organizing a closet, playing a game, or watching funny YouTube videos. Creative activities that are distracting can include coloring, craft projects like crocheting or painting model cars, home decorating, and creative fashion.
Expressive Coping
While distraction can provide short term relief from a distressing feeling, chronic discomfort eventually returns. In that case, rather than avoiding the feeling, it helps to go in the opposite direction, towards the feeling. Expressive coping skills allow us to fully feel whatever it is that’s troubling us, so that we can eventually release it. Articulating a feeling in verbal and nonverbal ways can provide cathartic relief. Examples include venting to a friend, crying with a sad movie or song, safely breaking, tearing, or throwing objects, making art that expresses or even exaggerates the feeling, or journaling all the thoughts and feelings that one has. Sometimes scribbling, fingerpainting, or using clay are good ways to embrace a feeling we may regard as messy or unworthy of our attention. Examples of this kind of coping from my group activities list are the Feeling Code Collage (#13), Empty the Jug (#60), and The Guest House (#72).
Cognitive Coping
If the feelings still persists after expressing it, we may need to change the pattern of thought. Beliefs about shame, failure, inadequacy, or persistent negative expectations or disappointments can perpetuate negative feelings. To shift our focus toward a more hopeful perspective, we can reinforce positive thoughts by keeping a gratitude journal, making art about positive aspects of oneself or one’s life, writing a story or song that reframes negative experiences as instances of resilience, growth, or courage, or by creating visual affirmations of uplifting quotations. Good and Evil (#3), Inner Child (#8), and Cooling My Hotspots (#14) are good exercises for this type of coping.
Coping with Insight
Sometimes when our efforts to change are ineffective, it’s because we don’t fully understand the nature of the problem. Maybe our understanding is too concrete or superficial, and there are deeper levels we need to understand in order to change. Once we get to the root of the issue, the unconscious pattern is revealed for what it is, and is easily recognized when it surfaces again. Analyzing and questioning how this problem started, either by looking for patterns over time or looking into early memories that set the pattern in motion, are helpful. This can be done by asking for feedback from those we trust, drawing life maps, looking through photo albums, and reflecting on themes from dreams or favorite films or stories. Expressive therapy activities that help us to dig deeper in our self-awareness include Inside-Outside Bags/ Boxes (#12), How Does This Serve Me (#38), and My Wise Self (#42).
Planning and Change
Sometimes the only way to cope with a difficult situation is by actually changing it. These kinds of situations continue to persist even when we've distracted ourselves from it, expressed our feelings about it, challenged our negative thoughts about it, and analyzed the pattern of how it started. If all of those strategies failed, chances are, the situation actually needs to be changed. It may be time to end a relationship, start a relationship, change jobs, move, start a weight loss program, start a recovery program, take classes, or take some other concrete step toward a life change. If there have been barriers to taking the necessary steps, it's time to identify what they are and find a way to overcome them. Purpose in Life (#9), My Perfect Life, (#28), and Serenity Prayer (#35) are some structures that help with planning change.
Spirituality
I use the term, "spirituality" very broadly to encompass any religious or spiritual beliefs as well as any activity or belief that provides a sense of comfort, hope, or relaxation. At the end of the day, we may not be able to change ourselves or a situation in our lives that is causing discomfort. This coping strategy is what allows us to find the grace to live with that discomfort, and find peace with it. It is the ability to agree to disagree, to accept the apology we never got, to trust that there is a greater order that governs the universe, and to practice radical acceptance of all that is. Mindfulness practices, meditation, and prayer all can strengthen this capacity. Suggested expressive therapy include Spirit (#40), Eye of the Hurricane (#44, and Inner Sanctuary (#49).
Looking through this list, are there particular kinds of coping that you tend to gravitate toward? Are there some that you are less experienced with? We may need to become adept at many different kinds of coping skills to survive all the emotions that are part of this unpredictable journey of life. May we meet each moment with courage and compassion for ourselves!